Delayed Grief is used to describe grief that is postponed and resurfaces sometime later.
After you became a widow, there were so many things that had to be done. You were in a fog, felt as though you were living outside your body. And you think “ I must be strong” for all those around you and you suppress your own feelings of pain and loss, because you need to be there and support everyone else. I know, I did this after my husband Maarten passed away. I did not want to hurt my children and grandchildren more than they were already hurting by their loss.
Some widows feel that the best way to handle their personal loss is to “keep busy” with all sorts of things, such as work, volunteering, helping your children or any other activities, rather than taking time to go through their grief and heal themselves.
Here’s the thing, if you don’t take action to FEEL your personal emotional pain, and supress it instead, it waits deep inside to haunt you later. Your grief returns when you least expect it.
“Ignoring grief is like a leak in our roof. We can take care of it now, or we can wait as it seeps through the ceiling, gets into the walls, and warps the floors.”
This is exactly what happens when we mask our grief and don’t take action to heal ourselves. Grief does not heal, We do, we have to heal ourselves from the inside so that our grief heals.
When we suppress and mask our grief, it seeps into other parts of our life and wellbeing, into every cell of our body which creates dis-ease and sickness such as headaches, ulcers and other bigger issues. It impacts our relationships and keeps us from fully enjoying our lives and living life on our terms with hope and love.
This is exactly what I experienced in my grief healing journey and what I have been saying at Living Beyond Grief and Loss for almost 10 years. Unfortunately, this is something that many of us do on a regular basis. We mask our true feelings to keep everyone else happy.
We have been conditioned to the idea that we should ignore or hide our emotional feelings of pain and “put on a happy face.” Be “Strong”, “Soldier on” We ignore and discount our
feelings and our grief and we establish a pattern of suppressing all our feelings related to our emotional loss.
Delaying and ignoring and not taking action to deal with grief means that it waits for a moment to re-surface.
I am sure that many of you have had situations where something you see or hear triggers a memory from the past.
Imagine a beautiful rose or a song. You see the rose and hear the song and it reminds you of the rose your husband gave you for valentine’s day, the song reminds you of a holiday you spent together. They are both fond memories, until you start thinking about all the other moments with your husband that you wish you had addressed.
It might be things you wished had been different or better. Sometimes these memories related to conversations that were never finished, or things you wished you had said. For some it is about dreams and expectations for a future that is now different, because of his death.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, all of those happy feelings that were generated by seeing the rose and hearing the song have lead you to a place of overwhelming sadness.
Each and every one of these things relate to the suppressed grief that you have delayed facing.
Give yourself permission to FEEL your Grief.
Grief does not heal – YOU HEAL !!!!
Imagine living and loving to the fullest. What would that be like for you?
If you feel stuck in your grief and you think you may have Delayed Grief, and, you want to heal yourself, let’s talk, book a free breakthrough call with me where we will go through where you are now in your grief journey, what’s keeping you stuck and where you want to be and how you can move forward.
Click here for your FREE Breakthrough Call